Thoughts

I want to write more. I have so many thoughts swirling in my head all the time. But I am also terribly aware that after taking on a bigger role for work, my life has become far more public. I need to speak with care, lest my words be taken out of context or misappropriated. Still, my life is not all about work, and I cannot let it consume me. 

I want to write more. Also because I’ve read some beautiful prose lately. It has inspired me to articulate my thoughts more, otherwise, they will drift away, gone with the wind. My memory often fails me, but words, once written, jolt it awake. I don’t want my memories to be gone. in. the. wind. 

My days have been a mixed bag - some really long ones (think: 6am to 11pm), and a few mercifully short ones where I get to doomscroll and watch some Netflix. But tbh, even on those short days, I catch myself working. I have a habit of packing my hours with productivity, and I feel a twinge of guilt when I’m not. Trust me, I’m working on that. My partner has a running joke: “The Club will not die without you for a day.” Guilty as charged.

But one thing is for sure - I am grateful. For all the long, tough days, I am grateful that I have a roof over my head and hot food to eat. I am grateful for a family to go to; for a trusty partner I can rely on. I am grateful that I have friendships that need little maintenance but stay strong because of the foundations we built. I am grateful that I find meaning in work. I’ve worked on this for many years, because for the longest time I struggled in my own head.. The path is not smooth. It never is. But God is good. All the time. 

And all the time, God is good.